Say It, Don't Spray It
by DetectiveMinerva
Summary: Kristoff and Anna are back from their honeymoon and enjoying a quiet night in the castle... until Anna sneezes and scares Kristoff so badly, he falls out of bed. Reuploaded for my buddy HAFanForever!


This sweet, funny Kristanna story highlights the goofiness that I can so easily picture in Anna and Kristoff's married life, inspired by an OTP prompt. I wrote this a few years ago, and it is wonderful to reupload it again!

For my dear friend HAFanForever, this is for you! Love you, big soul sis!

_Lying in bed, foreheads pressed together, just gazing into each other's eyes and taking it all in. Everything is silent. And then Person A suddenly sneezes and scares Person B so badly that they fall out of bed._

* * *

It was a quiet, peaceful night in Arendelle. The fjord was calm and gently lapping at the shore, the town was silent, safe in slumber, and all at the castle was as it should be. Kai and Gerda were enjoying a quiet cup of cocoa together before bed; Sven was asleep in the royal stables, Olaf snoozing on his back; Queen Elsa was curled up in her bedchamber, dreaming of romping in the snow with her sister. And in the bedroom across from the queen's, the kingdom's happiest newlyweds were cuddling together in bed, the spell of silence falling over them as well.

Kristoff Bjorgman, the Ice Master and Deliverer of Arendelle, still couldn't quite believe everything that had happened to him. He and Anna were married at last, had spent a glorious honeymoon on Arendelle's sunny southern shores, and were now beginning their life together in the castle. He never dreamed that he could be so fortunate, so happy, but he was. Oh yes, he and Anna had their differences now and then, but what couple didn't? They knew how to talk things over and emerge stronger. Most of their deepest conversations, though, took place right there in the bedroom, the love they made breaking down the barriers needed for them to bare their souls.

Tonight, however, no conversation could be heard between them... not a spoken one, at least. Caught up in the tranquility of the summer evening, Kristoff and Anna were lying together, snuggled beneath the sheets, "talking" through loving looks, tender kisses, and sweet, soft caresses. Even after two weeks of marriage, it was still something of a shock to Kristoff, who had not even considered how this kind of intimacy could shatter all defenses and expose such vulnerability, such deep and powerful emotion. And moments like these, where they could communicate with hardly a sound, were the ones he treasured. He wanted this night to last as long as it possibly could, so he could breathe Anna in, memorize every inch of her with his eyes, his hands, and his heart, and thank the Lord for giving him such a beautiful, crazy, wonderful wife.

_Thank you, _he said in a silent prayer, resting his forehead against Anna's and gazing into her eyes. _I know I don't deserve someone as amazing as Anna, but You gave her to me anyway. Help me to be a good husband. Help us to love each other in spite of our flaws. _Combing his fingers through her long mane of fiery waves, Kristoff closed his eyes. _Help us feel this peace forever._

"AAAAACHOOOOOOOO!"

Kristoff's entire body convulsed in reaction to the sudden explosion right in his face. "Whoa!" he cried, fright launching him backward and gripping his gut, so badly that he tumbled off the bed and landed on the floor with a loud _kablam. _His eyes flew open, darting all over the ceiling, and slowly, he became aware that he had spit all over his face – and that his new bride was laughing her butt off. Swiping at his cheeks, Kristoff rose to his feet. There was Anna, sitting up in bed, howling with laughter, tears streaming down her face. "Did I do that?" she asked, her face cherry red from mirth.

Kristoff stood by the bed, momentarily paralyzed. Never in all of his 23 years did he expect a noise that huge to come out of someone as petite as Anna. And he didn't know what was scarier, that she _could _sneeze like that or that she didn't warn him to take cover before letting it go. "Do what? Sneeze loud enough to wake the dead, or give me a heart attack and a concussion? It's a big, fat _yes _to both." Kristoff plopped himself down on the bed beside a still-chortling Anna. "Anna, the next time you have to sneeze, do me a favor and warn me, okay? I'd like to be able to run for cover before you blow like a geyser."

"A geyser? What, did I spray you or something?"

"Let me put it this way: the last time Sven peed on me, I didn't get half as wet."

That only set Anna off again. "I'm sorry, Kristoff," she giggled. "I didn't mean to scare you. I've just always been a loud sneezer. Elsa's been joking for the last two years that she ought to use me to ward off any intruders, because my sneezes sound more like cannon blasts."

Finally, Kristoff cracked a grin. "Elsa's right. 'Course, I guess I should've known you'd be a sneezer. You can belch as well as any man, and I didn't think anybody could out-fart Sven until you came along."

Anna's bright blue eyes were twinkling. "I know I'm not the most ladylike princess. I'm just glad Elsa loves me as much as she does, or else she'd never be able to put up with me."

"She loves you warts and all, just like I do," Kristoff assured her, taking her hands and squeezing them.

"Right back atcha," Anna said, leaning in to kiss him on the lips. "Now..." Her kiss became deeper as the old amorous feeling took over, and she sidled closer to twine her arms around him. "Where were we?"

Kristoff's body warmed in response to her sweet kisses and her softness against his hard muscle. "I think," he said, his hands massaging her back, "we were saying _I love you _without saying anything at all."

Anna chuckled softly, pulling him down under the covers with her. "I don't think that sneeze said _I love you._" She snuggled even closer to him and traced his jawline with her fingertips. "Can I tell you I love you now?"

"Babe," Kristoff breathed, kissing her fingers as they brushed over his lips, "you can tell me you love me anytime you want... on one condition."

"What?" Anna felt a thrill rush down her spine at the sparkle of love in his brown eyes.

Kristoff grinned wickedly and melded her to him. "Say it, don't spray it." Laughter was soon silenced by more kisses, as Anna and Kristoff surrendered to love and joy and the tranquil spell was cast over Arendelle once again.


End file.
